[A few minutes later, Julia ascends the ancient basement steps to find a familar face in the Old house foyer...]

Vicki?! What are you doing here? I-I didn't hear anyone come in...

B: Victoria just stopped by to say hello, Julia {small smile}.



V: Yes - Jeff and I are on our way to a movie, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to stop in and see how you were doing. I must say...you're positively glowing! {awkward giggle}



J: {annoyed, but trying to hide it} Thanks. Well...that was very thoughtful of you, Vicki. You and the rest of the Collins household can be assured that I'm doing just fine. Isn't that right, Barnabas?



B: Yes...perfectly fine.



V: Are you sure? You look tired, Julia. If there's anything you need...

J: NO! I SAID I was... {takes a breath and counts to ten}
I'm sorry, Vicki. I-I didn't mean to shout at you. I'm just a little tense tonight, that's all. I'm fine...really, I am.

V: Well, if you're sure...{looks worried}

J: Yes. {smiles} I've been testing my limits, I suppose - working all day without hardly a break. But now I'm going to enjoy winding down a bit before I go to bed. Don't worry, I'll be fine in the morning...

B: Yes...if I have anything to do with it {coy chuckle}

[Just then, a loud car horn bellows from outside, followed by the determined steps of a pointy-haired fellow... Peter Bradford/Jeff (PB&J for short) waltzes into the Old House Drawing room, running a hand through his hair with each panicked breath]

PB&J: {in a whiney, a la 'Fred Flintstone' voice } Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccckkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....!!



[The gathered trio GASP in unison]

J: Well, isn't this a surprise... {sighs}


PB&J: Oh - why hellooooo Dr. Hoffman...or is it COLLINS now? {inappropriate laugh}



J: {pursing her lips} It's still Dr. Hoffman, thank you...


PB&J: Oh, I see. {resting his hand in his hair} Well, isn't this a pretty picture, huh? Half of the great clan standing at attention...maybe we should just have a little party here instead of going out on OUR date, Vicki...huh??


B: Are you drunk, Clark? {Julia stifles a laugh}

PB&J: Ha-haaaaaaa! {points inappropriately} Phhht. Of course not...{snorts}

V: Jeff, please, Not_ here_. I was just saying hello...


PB&J: {interrupting} Vicki - are you ready to go or not? I've been waiting and waiting and *waiting* and I won't wait anymore {pouts, pulling his hair and shuffling his feet in a tantrum}.


V: Jeff Bradford Clark...calm down! Please...could you please wait for me in the car? Just give me a minute to say goodbye to my friends and we can be on our way, alright?!

PB&J: Sure...sure... I see how it is {flipping them off via a hand stuck in his hair}. Hey - I call shotgun! {creepy, innapropriate laugh} Well, it's been nice seeing you folks. See YOU {pointing to all} on the flip-side...


[with a swooping wave/salute he finally turns from the group and makes a beeline for Vicki's parked car]

B: Well...that was quite an experience. Is he normally such an amuuusing fellow? {half-chuckle}


V: I'm sorry...I must apologize for Jeff. He hasn't been himself lately. I TOLD him he should've taken that job Roger offered...why he didn't accept it I'll never know. {pouts}

[Barnabas and Julia exchange glances]

J: I-I never quite understood the whole affair either...{looks to Barnabas}

B: {coughs} Well, what's done is done, unfortunately... {looks at his shoes}

V: Yes, I suppose. {thinks for a second} Maybe its the paint fumes...


J: Paint fumes?

V: Oh - didn't I tell you? Jeff got a job at a paint factory...he's been pushing for a manager's position. He says that he can become ONE with the paint when need be...an important requirement, apparently. I-I just don't understand... {sigh}


B: Frankly Vicki, neither do I.

J: Well, if he shows any other symptoms, let me know...perhaps there's a treatment out there for someone like him. {stifles a grin}

V: Thank you, Julia - you're a real friend. Well, I best be going before Jeff loses his head... and I've taken up enough of your time as it is.


B: Oh, no trouble at all...any time Victoria. {Julia discretely pokes him in the ribs}

J:{dryly} Yes, anytime. It was lovely seeing you tonight, Vicki. Have a good time on your...date. {smiles}


V: Thanks Julia. Take care of yourself. I'll stop by another day, okay?

J: Lovely...

B: {Sighs} Julia, why don't you sit down and relax while I escort Vicki to the door. You've been on your feet much too long as it is...

J: {In a warning tone} Barnabas... {interrupted by his soft lips meeting hers} Okay, okay...goodbye you two. {wink}

B: I'll only be a minute... {wink}

[After a pleasant half-hour of tea, chat, and rubbing Julia's tired dogs, Barnabas commences with a now frequent ritual]

B: How do you feel now, my dear?

J: {contented sigh} Oh, much better Barnabas. That footrub was just...Divine. Thank you, darling...{purring}

B: {smug smile} Well, I'm very glad to hear it. Now, I'm going to go out for the...supplies. Would you like one scoop or two, my love?

J: Make it a whole quart. Vanilla bean. I'm in the mood to...share, if you get my drift. {winks} And don't forget the hot fudge and sprinkles this time...with two strawberries, not cherries, on the top.

B: I won't forget. Don't worry...I won't be long. {their lips meet in a tender kiss}

J: I'll be waiting... {licks her lip provocatively}


B: {sighs in anticipation, then quickly and quietly leaves for the ice cream shop}

{Sighing} Well, all in all, this day didn't turn out half bad. It's hard work...but with rewards like this...

Who says you can't train a man? Ha! {Grinning wickedly}

[About six months later...]

B: She's beautiful, Julia. So precious...

J: Yes, she is...{humming softly towards the little one}

B: {chuckling} Just as lovely as her mother. She has your coloring, Julia...

J: And she has your mouth...she won't keep quiet when it's good for her. {grinning}

B: Very Funny... {wink}

J: {Addressing the baby} Wanna say hello to your daddy? {carefully turning the baby's bassinet towards Barnabas}

B: {A goofy look quickly spreads across his face} Um....Julia....?

{Tiny, mischievious giggle}

~Evil Women aren't made, they're BORN.... :D

THE END

Hugs,

Heather H. @};------