It's that adorable evil woman's birthday? How wonderful! All my best for your special day, dear... paint the town red!

And between us ladies - many thanks for all the wonderful stories . I-I haven't had this much fun in years, let me tell you...{contented sigh} ;)

And I concur with that... <wink>

Just Kidding...chuckle.

Happy B-Day! I'd love to stay and celebrate but...well...

Gotta run - I have a hot date lined up tonight...a-at dusk. S-someone from out of town. I...I'll fill ya in later. See ya...

Chris? Julia? W-Who are you talking to? Who's birthday? I-I-I don't understand... {pouts}

Have a good time, Chris. And Vicki... {sigh} Oh nevermind, dear. I'll explain everything later...

[Loud, tapping footsteps are heard from the foyer, when suddenly...]

Did I hear you correctly, Dr. Hoffman? It's that wicked woman's birthday? Yes...splendid indeed. But honestly Julia, why anyone would favor you over me I will NEVER know...{annoying giggle}

{Simultaneous Gasp}

{SLAP!!}

{Yelp!}

{gasp} Well - I never! You won't get away with THAT, you...

{Sigh...} Shove it up your tight, skinny ass Angeligue. I'm NOT afraid of you...

{squeak} I TOLD you NOT to call me that, Dr. Hoffman! My NAME is Cassandra...

Uh - huh...right...

...And you can call me Shirley (chortle). I've had ENOUGH of your mouth for today, Angelique - I need a drink. In fact, while I'm in the mood I think I'll pay an impromtu visit to your FORMER spouse. I have a right mind to tell him a thing or two...

...{under her breath} tricky bitch.

A: {taken aback} WHAT did you call me?

J: I said that's a wicked belt you have there. I have nothing more to say to you. GOODBYE Angelique...

[As Evening sets at the Old House...Barnabas is faced with an annoying dilemmna]

{sigh} Infernal headache. Perhaps if I take an additional tablet...

[Finishing a glass of well-water, Barnabas hears the front door open, followed by the familar footfalls of his closest friend]

Well, Barnabas - I've had a rather HORRID afternoon. Your former wife was up to her old tricks again, but I think I stifled her insufferable voice - for the rest of THIS evening at least. Really Barnabas...what in the WORLD did you ever see in her? I mean, honestly...{gasp} Barnabas--Barnabas, are you alright? You look so pale. Did something happen while I was gone? TELL me...

{Frustrated Sigh} No Julia, nothing has happened. I just have what seems to be an incurable headache, that's all. In fact, I-I just took another tablet...I'm hoping it will work this time.



J: Have you been drinking enough water?



B: Yes!



J: {sigh} Wait a minute...what pills? I didn't leave any pain pills for you. What did you take?



B: Red tablets...they were in your lab, Julia. They appeared to be either pain tablets or sedatives...I remember when you had given me a perscription just like those. {pointing to the bottle he found}



J: Let me see that...{GASP}

Barnabas! Oh no! These...these...

Barnabas...what you *found* was an experimental drug; one not fully perfected yet. Ohh, I-I must have left them out accidentally {anguished groan}. I've been telling you I need a bigger lab if I'm to continue working out of this house, Barnabas {sigh}. Anyway - this is a drug designed to increase blood flow and...and...

Well, what of it, Julia?? What harm can that possibly do to me?

{whispering to herself} Please God, give me patience so I don't have to kill him...{sigh}

Barnabas - those pills can have some rather odd side effects...especially in...men. Your...well...{glancing downward}

Oh no...no...

Julia {crossing his legs} You must do something...now!

Well, there is no known antidote per say, Barnabas...

At least not as of yet. However...fortunately, the pills you've taken aren't strong enough to cause damage. Just some...discomfort. The effects SHOULD wear off, eventually--

But Julia...there must be SOMETHING you can do!

Well, I can go downstairs and search the lab...perhaps there's something I can give you for...the swelling.

[A half-hour later...]

Julia, please...help me.

I'm so sorry that didn't work, Barnabas. I-I don't know what else to do. Unless...

J: Barnabas, do you trust me? I mean...REALLY trust me?

B: Y-Yes...of course I do, Julia. You know that. Whatever you have in mind, you have my full cooperation and permission to proceed. {sigh}

J: Good. I'm glad to hear that. Well...just sit back and relax Barnabas...

...You're in for an enlightening ride. [Pushing down her anxiety, Julia proceeds with the...treatment]

Julia what are you...

Oh my...

Julia...my dearest Julia...how I...love you so. {Deep Sigh}